beyonce

Beyoncé Tears Out Earring, Keeps Singing Like the Soulless Lab Experiment That She Is


Beyoncé Tears Out Earring, Keeps Singing Like the Soulless Lab Experiment That She Is
Image via Getty.

What is Beyoncé ? She’s no mortal, we know that. She has all the trappings of a human (skin, teeth, bellybutton (?)), but her programmers have committed a crucial mistake. No flesh-and-blood earthling just tears an earring from their ear lobe without flinching. No one sweeps their fingers across the shredded skin, assesses the blood, and coolly asks the crowd how they’re doing.

The engineering flaw was revealed during the Cybeyoncé’s Saturday night Tidal X 1015 performance, in which she apparently caught her earring during a dance move and ripped it out. As someone who occasionally catches her earrings while struggling to remove a sweater, I know that the correct, human response is to drop to the ground screaming, and to roll around on the floor until a passerby or store manager assists in cutting the sweater off.

Beyoncé did none of those things. Video playback reveals no screaming and no rolling. No instances of a wild-eyed paramedic shouting for the limb restraints, nor the demand to “tranq her, damn it, she’s trying to bite me!” Beyoncé simply sweeps her hand over her bloodied ear, and serenely processes what she already knows: That her external coating has suffered a tear, and that she’ll need to spend the night in the shop to get it touched up. “I know if I’m on to you, I’m on to you,” she croons, pointing her bloodied finger at the crowd, her voice wavering not at all.

I’m on to you, Beyoncé. No one just rips out their earring without creating such a scene that they have to removed to the hospital, a morphine drip administered and a team of doctors and bewildered med students observing 24/7 through a one-way mirror. Your reaction is not normal. Trust me. I know.

Click to add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

beyonce

More in beyonce

vrklsbpzhv5eajkpeqep.png

Open Thread: I Ain't Worried, Doin' Me Tonight

StaffJanuary 1, 2017
gt4bjrbwt1afkybiche1.jpg

If You Had the Power to See Where Beyoncé Was at Any Given Time, Would You Look? 

StaffDecember 15, 2016
bxgpo2dorbh8wwphga0t.jpg

If It Seems Like Someone Is Shading Donald Trump, They Definitely Are

StaffNovember 18, 2016
jvkucpzan50bfesncolo.jpg

Beyoncé Would Like You to Vote for Hillary, And You Don't Want to Upset Beyoncé, Do You?

StaffNovember 5, 2016
gliwaywiz0jjo6bs8jmj.jpg

Beyoncé Is Performing at the CMA Awards Tonight Because Why the Hell Wouldn't She?

StaffNovember 2, 2016
j7frszbkubiutilxgxnh.jpg

Who Owns Twerking, Who Owns the Bounce? New Orleans Originators Have a Roundtable

StaffOctober 17, 2016
fwzyiejjyhlgextrcukj.png

Former NY Pol Wonders How Anyone Could Be Mad At Trump When Beyoncé Sings About 'Effing'

StaffOctober 11, 2016
h1betobavouk4orsjzis.jpg

20 Ways You Can Celebrate the 20th Anniversary of Fox News

StaffOctober 7, 2016
edjwb0qhkvmaluix8f5v.jpg

Beyoncé Startup, Beyoncé Startup, Beyoncé Startup

StaffSeptember 29, 2016