Celebrity

Dancing Show Loser Gets Job Running Nuclear Arsenal


Dancing Show Loser Gets Job Running Nuclear Arsenal
Image via Getty.

The spread of what Dancing With the Stars contestants do after their season is wide. Best case, you go back to your world-class gymnastics victory tour or get a role in a Jean Claude Van Damme kickboxing franchise. Worst case, you go back to your stint on Fuller House: Almost Full, or return to the “role of your life” as a satisfied stay-at-home parent (no dis to parents). Rick Perry, the former governor of Texas who was eliminated after only three weeks on the contest, was lucky enough to finish his run on the show just as Donald Trump, a man who makes us redefine our conception of low standards, was on the ascent.

On Tuesday, news outlets reported that Trump would name Perry as his Secretary of Energy, a role which would require him to lead the federal department which he not only wanted to eliminate, but also famously forgot existed.

The New York Times reports:

While Texas is rich in energy resources and Mr. Perry is an enthusiastic advocate of extracting them, it is not clear how that experience would translate into leading what is also a major national security agency. Despite its name, the Department of Energy plays the leading role in designing nuclear weapons and in ensuring the safety and reliability of the nation’s aging nuclear arsenal through a constellation of scientific laboratories...

The administration manages the country’s nuclear weapons stockpile and runs American programs on nuclear nonproliferation and counterterrorism. The two men who served as President Obama’s energy secretaries were physicists, one with a Nobel Prize, the other a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

Perry’s qualifications include a passion for executing the mentally-disabled, the ability to remember only two things on a list, and losing to Vanilla Ice in a dancing contest. To me, all of this screams, “Put me in charge of your nuclear arsenal!”

Click to add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Celebrity

More in Celebrity

uzdumjio84izvftny9j7.jpg

Our Wild Night Out With James O’Keefe, Dog the Bounty Hunter and Nigel Farage

StaffFebruary 26, 2017
qsrvaegyiddgx3grgwxv.jpg

Trump Plans to Ditch the White House Correspondents' Dinner

StaffFebruary 26, 2017
dis7vnxg0iugyjmafgpe.jpg

Foreign Language Oscar Nominees Condemn 'Climate of Fanaticism' in the U.S.

StaffFebruary 25, 2017
hbumfvvxcusiqp8qfqmk.gif

Here's Karlie Kloss' Favorite Destiny's Child Song, as Performed By The Voice Coaches

StaffFebruary 25, 2017
unb0ehup3i4j6aqgqdd6.png

Trump Vows to 'Do Something' About 'Dishonest Media', Bans New York Times, CNN from Press Briefing

StaffFebruary 25, 2017
xzntje6n10fnrmntxlbe.jpg

Isabelle Huppert Repulsed By Clothes On Her Own Back

StaffFebruary 24, 2017
gbsyrytwzk7mqnwnae3d.jpg

Report: Over 700 People Were Detained During the First Weekend of the Travel Ban 

StaffFebruary 24, 2017
t91si1x8czk1hgvkbd1c.jpg

Gabby Giffords to Texas GOP Rep Louie Gohmert Who Refused to Hold a Town Hall: 'Have Some Courage'

StaffFebruary 24, 2017
n4navkttnw2b8ywd81id.png

An Explainer of the Lesbian Drama on This Season of Real Housewives of Atlanta

StaffFebruary 23, 2017