Twitter Is an Emotional Bitch

Twitter Is an Emotional Bitch
Image by Bobby Finger.

In September, when Donald Trump admitted, at last, that Barack Obama is in fact a born American, Twitter imploded. Many times, Twitter has also exploded. Twitter has gone both nuts, thanks to Al Roker, and wild, thanks to Trump’s mom. Twitter had a meltdown when the Cubs won the World Series in November. And when Trump was elected president, Twitter freaked out, as it tends to do quite often. Twitter appeared utterly in shock. Twitter lost it over a home-wrecking penguin, which seems like an insignificant thing to “lose it” over. At one point, Twitter even snarked.

Twitter, a social media platform magically imbued with human feelings that appears to always exhibit one collective emotion at a time, has a tendency to go crazy, has a dark side and loves to attack, aware perhaps that it has the power to build and destroy. Twitter often throws shade and once slammed Bernie Sanders when his DNC speech pushed back The Bachelorette. All of Twitter at one point loved Ryan Reynolds’ face. From one day to the next, Twitter has proven to be all over the place, can’t decide what it wants to be, who it wants to be, how it wants to feel, up or down, or how it should move about the world. Twitter struggles to maintain a steady emotional state and simply be okay with who it is.

At the risk of sounding too dank, Twitter had fun this year, too. It threw parties! Hosted by—who else—Twitter. A party? Where? Online. Parties where Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West appeared as figments of Twitter’s imagination. It’s almost as if Twitter is trapped in a fantasy world, barricaded by its own despair and sense of entitlement. Or could it be that the problem is us, projecting our fears, worries and unnecessary angst onto Twitter...

There are times I feel like grabbing Twitter by its muscular forearms and pleading with it to get it together. “Twitter, you need help!” I would scream. And Twitter would scream back, “No! You do!” And then Twitter would run off crying, arms flailing. I would stare at Twitter from behind and wonder why it has to be this way. But I would say nothing in return because what Twitter said is true. We all need help.

Click to add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


More in Celebrity


Saturday Night Social: Hosted by a Baby Hippo Who Loves to Shower

StaffApril 23, 2017

American Airlines Is Investigating the Flight Attendant Who Jeered At a Passenger to “Bring It On” 

StaffApril 22, 2017

Lifehacker The Most Awkward Wrong Number Calls and Texts Ever | Gizmodo We Chatted With an Astronaut

StaffApril 22, 2017

Tyra Banks on Why She Returned to ANTM: 'I Think I Have to Be There for It to Continue'

StaffApril 22, 2017

Marine Le Pen Wants to Make Life Worse For Women

StaffApril 21, 2017

U.S. Supreme Court Issues Temporary Stay in Arkansas's First Planned Execution Since 2005 [Updated]

StaffApril 21, 2017

The X-Files Will Continue Its Ceaseless Search for the Truth in A New Season on Fox

StaffApril 21, 2017

A Helpful Woman's Guide to Upgrading Your Entire Life With Homemade Marijuana Gummi Bears

StaffApril 20, 2017

Jason Chaffetz Won't Seek Reelection in 2018, Citing 'Personal' Reasons 

StaffApril 20, 2017